New Zealand... well just Auckland actually.

My stay in NZ was cut from 12 to 3 days as i got my driving lkicense nicked off me in Borneo and we couldnt drive round and it woulda been an expsensive ballache to bus it and im coming back at some point so ill do it all proper like then.

Another of Billys 'contacts' put us up very kindly and comfortably. She was called Tennessee and i think it was purely her hospitality that made Auckland so dam enjoyable! She was (and is) a lovely yound lass and proberly distorted my view of Auckland as a grand place. Dont get me wrong its nice but it wouildnt have been as nice as if id been in a hostel, Her generosity skewered my view somewhat in a good way mind.

Gutted not to be there for the world cup its was 9 days away and the city wass buzzing all full of banners and sparkerly stuff it was. Oh well i guess i cant do everything i can only be so spoiled right?

Tennessee tooks us to a lovely warm italian eatery where  the food was scrumcious and it was bring your own wine. Now i dont no why this technique isnt implimented more at home, it s a grand idea and i fell it shoudl be encoraged more in fact im going to campaign for it on my return to blighty!

The only thing of note i did in Auckland for my 3 days was visit an island 45 mintes from the city called Waiheke a beautiful day ensured that consisted of wine tastying, hitch hiking and lots of sunshine it was all very glorious and i came back home a tad tipsy and best of all the the last winery forgot to charge me for the 5 wines id had. Take that you grape crushers!!

Me and Bill have now seperated. He gets the house and i get the children, he said he never loved them anyways the angry brute! Im home in 10 days but first i have some wonderful island hopping to do round Fiji. Ill come back all freckled and red i bet.

Chow x

Australia Koalas and all.

Due to Billys Uni year abroad in Chicago he came back seemingly to have meet half the population in Australia. As a result of this we were very kindly put up in a couples of people houses during our stay in Sydney and as a result got toured round the city so well by the people we stayed that only on the last of our 5 days in Sydney did we look at our Lonely Planet guidebook to find that coincidentally we'd done the top 5 things to do whilst in Sydney. One of things we did do that wasn't in the guidebook was spend a day at 'Paddo Bowls' a bowls club (yer like the ones the grandparents play) that aimed at a 20-30 year old crowd with stag parties and bar! It was a strange experience and an enjoyable the free jugs coming from behind the bar for 4 hours from another of billys 'contacts' probably didnt hurt. The places motto was "bowls with out the olds" and it indeed reujevenated the image of bowls in my eyes. However you wont be finding me struttign my stuff on the green with mildred and hector from next door any time soon!

Obviously being uber keen tourist on the first day we headed straight across the Hobour Bridge and posed in front of the opera house, pretty standard stuff. What we didn't expect was after leaving Asia the first two evening meals we had would be spent in Thai Restaurants (apparently we cant get enough, I told you it would be hard to ween myself off the noodles!) as were we were was full of them and nothing else.

From a money point of view Austrlia makes me want to cry partly out of pain of spending and partly out of confusion.

From sydney we went to the gold coast which we was told was tacky as hell. Now i can tell you iv done a few blackpool holidays in my time and sadly it didnt match up to the donkey on the beach and grannys at the slot machines kinda tackiness you get on the balckpool seafront! It s sad really i was looking forward to some sticks of rock with my name on. Not much happend in surfers, i got all depressed about spending too much money and sulked like a petulant child on the stair to the beach being all rebellious with a beer in my hand ( your not allowed to dirnk on the streets out here) wrapped in a brown paper bag 'coz im badd ass. The main memory ill gave of surfers is getting chucked out a club here, i might add at this point of the tale i was sober. Yer getting chucked out for drinking straight out of a jug,thats it, what is this maddness! Its like getting chucked out for bad manners! and the jug was full and that made me sad. Upon questioning the bouncer outside as to why there was just a bizarre rule he gave the answer as; its for health and safety...... what a tool.

From surfers we hopped our way to Brisbane and found theres fuck all there bar an abundant of jobs... i think its coz no one wants to be there coz it shit.  Saying that i had fun. We went to a koala and kangaroo sanctuary and cuddled this smelling little beat named Jorge. He was mexican. I also made friend with homies in the dorm and they took me gay clubbing (while bill who had sniffles stayed all tucked in bed) where i was accosted by hordes of tightly leather clad but handsome men, i was the dish of the night apparently and apparently my grimace and uncomfortable look i wore upon my face only encouraged them it seemed. Still it was a good laugh i spose.

So we made our way to Brisbane and met up with some girls we met in Thailand a couple of times the chaing mai elephant camp entourage i'd like to call ourselves... ill get us all to vote on it and ill let you know the outcome. It all started brillaintly and promptly , its nice making plans that happen on time, id forgotten what this was like with Bill being a friend. Anyway i digress we first went to this packed irish pub with a live irish band and snakebite on demand i was well and truely in my element, king of the snake bite id like to be known i thought. Anyways i was quickly put into unfamilar water when the second destination of a night a salsa club. I must have looked like a dribbling retard all spasmed out on the dance floor strutting my stuff but still it was an experience i enjoyed whilst hundreds of what to me looked like olympic level salsa-ers spans there way round a poor me shuffling side to side. Melborune was my favourite place in Aus it got a very european feel and vibe to it. Its full of alleyways and stairways leading to coffee cafes and sushi gaffes.Theres a quaint little suburb called St Kilda all chocker with road side cafes,bustling with people and set upon the beach front that i could see me frequenting a plenty if i lived there!

We moved on after we ate and drank too much sushi to a farm billy friend owned 5 hours into the countryside from Melbourne. Never in my life have a been somewhere remote, it was a scary time indeed. It was a nice change to get out of the city and see these green things we call trees.While we was at this farm we were cruelly forcefeed steak to the point of explosion. It was a Bull farm you see so they had the most Delicious meat ever known to man, not exaggerating at all. It was just our luck our time there coincided with the biggest business event of the year of this kind family hwo had bestowed us with steak. They sold 140 bulls all penned up outside this big shed they held the auction in. All the farmers all booted and cowboy hatted up nodded and grunted their way to become proud owners of these cute little creatures. Some went at 28,500 grand ! they took 1.2 mill in a day who knew bull farming was so lucrative! quick get the wellies and cattle brand theres money to be made!!!Billy tried to look all cowboy in a double denim scenrio which culminated in us being accused of being a gay couple by these burly and sun hardened farmers. Me and bill get this alot all over the world they think we like have a fiddle with each other. In fact Billy last girlfriend started the very first conversation with him when we were at a pub, the two of us, by approaching us and questioning if we batted for the other team. Apprently she was relieved he wasn't as they shortly after started courting.

 ON our last day there we were taken to community meal in the community house in the middle of these farms. People were leaving the area and about 30 people in the community cook and bake cakes and give them a jolly good send off. Firstly it was awesome food and secondly we was involved in a community photo which will be mounted on this club house wall and marked ' The Matterhorns leaving do 2011' and us english lads will b on the wall for years to come, i quite like the idea of two strangers getting in on a community photo and having it mounted over a grand fire place.

Back in Sydney for our flight i met up with a friend from home who i hadnt seen in years and it was rather delightful. We went to the bar under the opera house and the whole city was light up against the harbour waters and it was jolly good!

Back end of Borneo

My promise to myself that i would updated more often fell flat on its face so here i am writing essays again. I keep telling myself its good practice for uni in spetember.... *massive geek*

So after a 7 hour bus ride I arrived in Semporna, The town were we would be based to do our diving, and within 10 minutes had fallen down a meter gutter at the side of the road and inflicted upon myself a 4 inch gash, though who know how clumsy i am at least try and be sympathetic! So i trail into the hostel with blood seeping down my leg and meet back up with bill as he went jungle trekking for a day or two and i didn't fancy being t6hat far away from civilization or somewhere that sold alcohol. The islands round Ssemprona as supposedly some of the best dive sites in the world so i feel that now iv got my license i might avoid diving in the places like the north sea as it might be a tad dissappoitning. Some of the islands were liek islands out of films that you might get shipwrecked on, imagine an tiny sandy island with just palm trees on and you've the image spot on. So the diving course went on for threes day and then we did another days diving after. In those days we were diving wiht 6ft turtle and schools of fish that is they swam above you the completely blocked out the light, it was pretty unreal! The nights back in Smeporna were pretty lame as the town itself see no benefit of the huge amount of diving tourism that runs through it it goes straight into the pockets of the collect few who own resorts there. Our nights were spent making beer runs to the other side of town to the place where you could get the best beer deals, a small local chinese restaurant ( 3 beers of 13 Ringgit , a bargin right!?)

So we learnt to dive and the end of our diving coincided with the end of our time in Borneo, so we jumped on a bus back to the capital with a day to spare for a flight to Australia. The 10 Hour bus journey proved to be under arctic conditions and despite our pleas to turn the heat up, the air con Nazi that they were refused due to the 'fact' the windows would fog up ( i was surprised they hadn't frozen over). After 3 hours we stopped and i retrieved 3 t-shirts, a vest and another pair of trousers to fight the artic conditions! ( in no way is this paragraph over dramatic!)

Once we arrived back in the captial, Kota Kinabalu, we carried our frost bitten selves to a hostel and indulged in a western treat to ourselves, a trip to the cinema! Do not go see rise of the planet of the apes and thats all ill say on the matter! We had our last meal in asia night leaving me unsure of how i'd cope with out noodles after becoming dependent on them after 7 weeks of eating them everyday, i was not looking forward to weening myself off them...

Leaving for Aus meant a stopover in our old friend Singapore Airport ( my love for this airport i can not express!) which meant the usual in an airpoirt - A trip round the butterfly Sanctuary and a free film at the cinema!

Last smidgin of Thailand, all of Singapore and a dab of Borneo!

After reading the last few paragraphs of the previous entry the spelling is so bad its made me cringe so big effort for this one and a bit more concentration! Leaving it two weeks made it a chore that it wanted to get over!


SOOO from Phi Phi boated over to Phuket and met a group of 6 irish girls ( the irish are everywhere in Thailand!) who couldnt swim and apparently thats real normal in Ireland..... Odd. Phuket was just what the doctor ordered and although alot of people don't like it Old Puket town suited our needs just fine. A quiet lazy town with not alot to do and very few tourists! We arrived there and headed to a hostel called OnOn which played a significant part in the beach film ... and yes this was why i wanted to stay there that and the $1.50(theres no pound sign) room cost. Being massively over kean ( a Keano is the technically term) we asked which room the film was filmed in and they just handed over the key so we went and got massively over excited to find it was just OBVIOUSLY a standard ... i was expecting Leo Dicaprio in there i think. Anyways we spent a night in a Thai bar where there was live thai music and we the only westerners. The bar was oddly decorated in America 50's style cinema gear.

Dragon fruit found everywhere over SE Asia

We moved the next night after finding out why OnOn  was so cheap to a hostel with a widescreen TV purely to satisfy our craving for watching the Film The Beach ( im sure your as tired of reading those words as i am writing them - no more beach comments, i swear!) only to be mildly disappointed all that waiting for that !!!
Later that night we bumped into two girls in the hallway of the hostel after i walked past for the 5th occasion in ten minutes due to me leaving items behinds...typical me i know. Only to find that one was in uni in sheffield. Wahey! But thats not why i mentioned it as i dont normally refer to people we've met out here as its no relevance to you at home as your not with them drinking cheap beer on the beach or riding elephants, no your at home! I make the exception because Ai Ling and Ayla were Singapore veterans, and what a result that was!

We arrived on the same flight as our 'Guides' in SINGAPORE and instantly were directed around the underground (or MRT as i got told off for calling the underground) with amazing ease by Ai Ling as she had lived there for half her life. This made our life very easy, to follow they showed to a hostel in the main part of town we never would have found! The hostel was under a Nazi regime where you couldnt put bags on the bed or bring anyone inside the building that wasnt staying there, it culminated with Bily getting pushed out the dorm room by the land lady causing him to stumble all because he was eating a slice of toast.

As much as Singapore is a lovely and perhaps the only city i could at the point imagine living in outside London its super super expensive! The hostel was 15 quid a day which kinda blew a hole in our 20 quid a day budget, so yes the budget went out the window. And how we celebrate this happening with a trip to universal studios.... (really out the window) but it was worth it for a pretty awesome day.

The nightlife in Singapore is Pretty buzzing but also ridiculously expensive so i wont quote prices as i feel it detracts from the story! Again the girls came through with their knowledge for us and we went to a bar called clinic which was an open air bar on a quay side which was doctor themed; the staff where medical outfits, you sit in wheelchairs and drink cocktails out of drips! unfortunately when me and bill tried to have a jousting competition in the wheelchair it was quickly thwarted.The last day was spent in a surreal way with us round the pool side of a very very swanky pool and spa resort which the girls had gone on about for three days. One of there dad was a life long member of this club so we all got free entry and use of the pool, not what i expected from my trip to singapore.

I finished my last evening tasting some of the best beer i've ever had from a water side bar with its own brewery outback with a family friend. It could have been so tasty as i had run for 15 minutes as i was late due to a confusion with directions but i dont want to believe that was the case!


Having never heard of BORNEO til about 3 months ago it was bottom on my list of places i wanted to visit and what a mistake that was. Unknown to me til not to long ago its the only place in the world where you can see proboscis monkeys and one of two where you can see wild orangutans. The island in the south China Sea is spilt into  two sections the Malaysian side and the Indonesian. Were staying on the Malaysian side and the people here are the most genuine and welcoming people in the whole of my travels. 

Yesterday we went and saw some Wild Orangutans at a rehabilitation center be fed in an open jungle environment which was a once in a life time feeling. (Also Ill say it now... Ill have no ginger related jokes on my facebook, thank you.) the apes literally came within centimeters of you, some more than others with one women being tapped on the shoulder and thinking it was her husband to turn round and jump out of her skin, very amusing. After i found out they could rip a man in half due to them being four times stronger than us, which was slightly unnerving given they were within touching distance. From there we went on a jungle canopy walk which was a walkway suspended 30M above the ground in the tree tops and saw absolutely no wild life what so ever! was still a good experience though. On the way home we met the set designer of the newest macdonalds advert on the local bus (she was on holiday not Malaysian for the slow people) so i have no doubt i wil be making a claim to fame every time that appears on tele, i hope for your nerves it disappears before i touch down in England.

Unfortunately the day was slightly smeared for me, by my wallet somehow got stolen on the bus which has been a massive ball ache and a hit to budget as i was carrying a stupid amount of cash in there ( i can see mums head shaking now) this has resulted in thre trips to the police station but i do now have a police number to quote to the insurance, hurray!

Given the hit to budget and police meeting this day was destined to be a lazy day so what else do you on a lazy day - eat, sleep.... and blog. We made our way to a malaysian food market which for the quality and number of people was very very slightly reminiscent of notting hill festival. And i went to town on peanut pancakes,noodle pastries, banana cake, chicken skewers, fried bananas, malaysian omelet and sweet potato pasties. Fair to say the malaysian diet isn't the healthiest... oh and there was ice cream chucked in at the end!

I also some how, at this said market whilst inquiring over some pretty delicious looking heart shaped chicken nuggets ( i should have cottoned on from that) got proposition by a very camp male market stall vendor. So after enquirng what was in the nuggets "chicken" came the reply. Which then rolled on to where i was from ( a usual question whilst travelling) so "london" came my reply. Then the conversation took a turn down an alley i never want to go down in which he said " Are you single?" in shock i reply "yes". Apparently this was to his satisfaction, and apprently i look like an easy pull as he then said " me too! What time?" Fair to say i didnt take up the opportunity of heart shaped nuggets and scampered off for ice cream ( to regain my macho bravado, of course).

Next stop on the Borneo train is Diving in Semporna ( one of the best places in the world to scuba dive, winner winner chicken dinner!)

Bucket filled Thai Islands.

So As eager as ever to get away from the Asian Magaluf that is Khoa San Road in Bangkok we left for the eastern Thai island of Koa Tao which 4 hours of arriving from Cambodia. A 8 hour bus ride, 3 hour wait and 3 hour boat ride was all made istantly worth it when we were greated to emerald waters and white beaches lined with Palm trees. We wanted to head away from the action and catch some relaxation  in preparation for the full moon party weekend on the neighbouring island of Ko Phangan. We headed to a small bay on the east of the tiny island (30 mintues to drive anywhere) called Tanote Bay. Now in our travel guide it had very little in way of restaurants,bars,shops so i assumed it was down to the fact there wasnt much to recommend there where as in reality its because there was no shops, bars or restaurants it was just a spotless beach with 4 hotel receptions on the beach front and behind 'bungalows' (shacks) dotted over the hill side. Unbelievably isolated... a little bit of paradise.  However everysingle person was in a couple so that made it look like a romantic getaway for me and Bill , perhaps it was..... Surprisingly after a day of snorkeling the crystal clear waters there wasn't a whole to do. Bill even enquired in a very optimistic attempt if he could send a taxi to the nearest shop to gain a bottle of vodka! PICTURE we quickly relized that perhaps this was too quiet even for ur relaxation time before the full moon so we swifty made our way to the main town on the island the next day.

The idea of having a quiet few days evaded us completely that night and courtesy of a bottle of Uncle Toms miscellaneous clear spirit i don't remember past 11.30 ( it was a cross between vodka and rum and didnt state what it was on the bottle. Bathtub moonshine was my bet.). As a result of our achohol induced coma we missed our 9am boat to Ko Phangan, whoops. Eventually on a boat we were told it was an hours journey but over my time here i have learnt do not trust a thai persons timing. you tkae the time you given and multiple it by three! they must work on a different time scale over here cz its not the one we use! We arrived in Ko Phangan and met up with a group of australian girls we met in Chaing Mai (north thailand) for a Elephant Trekking reuion party!

The town of the full moon party is called Haad Rin and they say that the parties on the beach are better on occasion than the actuall moon and although maybe not better theres barely any difference other than a bit less moon and a few less people. ON our Chaing Mai reunion night there was a foam party on the beach and i now no never to mix sand and foam (not should when i would of anyways..) as it quickly turns into quicksand and ruins and clothing your wearing!

After two nights of Partying the full moon party night came around and it consists of about 15,000 people on 1km streach of beach all drinking cheap wiskey and coke out of multicoloired litre buckets. Theres flaming 2 metre skipping ropes, everysingle kind of music, 15 ft high slides, laughing gas, magic mushroom milk shakes. The whole Place is absolutely crazy. Oh and a truck load of UV paint over everyone! All in all an amazing time!

After threes night of wiskey filled, paint encrusted, beach partying the whole island could not wait to leave. It was amusing to watch everyone scramble on to boat at midday hungover begruding dragging along 20 kilos back packs. Actually it wasn't amusing then as i was one of those people! Defiantly something you look back to and thinks funny! Normally the boast are fully booked for three days after the full moon party as every has had more than there fill of partying!

(A mention should definatly go to two woman we met in Chaing Mai who very kindly  put us up free of charge for our nights on the iisland in a beachfront resort with a pool, jacuzzi and air con! Thank you!)

From Ko Phangan we were heading for PHiPHi the island from the film the Beach. (i implore you to watch for the sole reason of making you extremely jealous) Before we reached there we had a stop over in Krabi, a town with nothing to offer for story purposes other than this. I went to buy some shower gel and picked up the nearest bottle (/cheapest) came back and showered and squirted it into my hand only to find out it was moisturiser. On closer inspection it was actually whitening lotion. Now if theres a person who doesn't need whiteneing lotions its 100% me. It fasionable in south east asia to be pale and funny opposite to the scores of orange umpa lumpa girls you see on a night out back home.

After THe full moon party our fiancal resources were depeleting and a strict budget has now come into to place for our remaing time in thailand ( 8 days). I've complainign bitterly about it - i travel the world and still find something to comaplain about! Its not hard at all to stick to our 20 pound a day budget until you factor in alcohol haha. So we've obviously comprimised on eating so we can save our drinking habits!

Phi Phi wasnt the relaxtion paradise we envised as its amazing filled with British people ( who we avoid like the plague) It just party party party all over again which isn't awful by any means by were getting tired and my hangovers are horrendous. We did however goin on a tours of teh bays and did some snorkelling which was prety epic as there was fish everywhere and swimming into your googgles to the point where i got fish claustrophia! We then went to the famous Maya Bay (Google it ) Me and bill bunked in on a tours free buffet lunch yday and today didnt get charged at the restaurant as the waitor forgot, and we certainly werent going to remind him!! More money for cheap wiskey buckets right!

Thats all i got for now and im partied out.

Thailand & Cambodia.

Of course your dieing with excitement to hear about Thailand but first before divulging those exciting tales there's a few things I've previously forgotten to mention. Firstly, for those who know Bill will also know of his vast collection of about 15-20 bracelets on both arms, some are more classy than others, I'm pretty sure ones made from the plastic ties from a joint of pork. Anyway in the eyes of India it turns out Bills a bit of a stud as the bracelets in India signify a gift from a sexual conquest, so there was a whole torrent of comments from tour guides, hotel owners and rickshaw drivers congratulating Bill on his talent in getting the opposite sex into bed, Bill wishes. And also we went white water rafting in Nepal and in horrific monsoon rains which caused a landslide which in turn took a lorry over the cliff top road in the river behind us. The river swept the lorry and its contents (packets of dried noodles) past us down the river just minutes after we came shore. I turned and said to Bill that i hope the driver got out before the lorry was swept in, in contrast a group of Nepalese girls in front of us were cursing the loss of 'good noodles' to the river.

Anyways back to the more recent From Nepal we flew to bangkok but via singapore so we had 12 hours to kill in singapore airport between flights. Not greatly looking forward to the wait we asked a australian couple in front of us and our excitement for the wait was no hieghtened for the response of its ok i guess. However on a arrival the airport was a sensory overload. The airport had several indoor gardens ranging from a ferns orchids and sunflowers complete with koi karp ponds,free cinema, a gym,free television, and about 30 diffferent restaurants, needless to say the 12 hours flew and i got to watch the David Haye fight so that was a bonus.

We had been heavily recommend by other travellers in Nepal to stay on a road in Bangkok call Khoa San road so we headed there on arrival into Bangkok. Now after Nepal this road seemed Chaotic and worse of all tacky as hell. Its a road that is lined with useless trinekts, fake t-shirts and happy hour bars. It in essence is the asian cousin of a Magaluf. It sounds a tad hypocritical as im well known for like a drink or ten but this was not what i had in mind when i traveled half way around the world. So we escaped the hordes of English drunks for something somewhat more traditional a city in the north called Chang-Mai. Chaing Mai was exactly what we were after it was a quieter than Bangkok and filled with other backpackers not people on a drinking tour of Bangkok.we went and watched some traditional Muay Thai boxing fights which akwardly had Ladyboy bouncers on the door which was a special sight!  And then are other two days were spent on a jungle trek to an elephant camp, where you got to ride the elephants and feed them at night you slept in an open air hut with mosquito nets so that was pretty cool experience. The second day was rather wet as it was filled with yet more white water rafting and a visit to a 20ft waterfall which doubled up as a rather painful slide into the plungepool below. We left that night at 7pm on a 12 hour sleeper bus back to Bangkok and in our eagerness to avoid Khoa San road we were on a bus to Siem Reap, Cambodia but 8am the next day. The reason for the 3day visit to Cambodia was to see our last temple of the trip ( i hope! After India,Nepal and Bangkok I had a severe case of Temple overload fever) so we though we'd finish on a high as Angkor Wat is one of wonder of the world it was also we wanted to see where tomb raider was set. After the disappoint of Sunrise at the Taj Mahal we were up and in a tuk-tuk at 04.30am to see Angkor Wat illuminated in the suns early morning glow only to find it was so overcast there was no sunrise just more of a gradually lightening which you were blissfully unaware of so before we knew it was daylight and we'd see no sun. Yet again I'd some how been tricked by the sun. Angkor Wat is one main temple surrounded in a vast wooded areas of about 70 other temples ( i could the temple fever edging its way in again after noon) but at least unlike all the domed roofs of Indian temples and all thee gold dragons in Thailand they were more rustic and unique, with trees growing through the walls and decrepit ruins which made it interesting. As mentioned one of the temples was used in one Tomb Raider films so the day was spent eagerly anticipating this temple only to find neither me, Bill or our two new Portuguese Friends we were temple hopping with could even remember a single scene from the film, so our excitement was somewhat ebbing away after the 20th question of do you recognize this building. After our 4am we made it home by 3pm (eleven hours of temple fever) pleased with the knowledge there would be no more temples and there was a bed waiting for us (Bill nearly fell out the tuk tuk asleep on the way home, only to save his balance last minute.)

And that takes up today which has been spent recusing Bill's Ipod from death. On just the second day both my Iphone and Bills Ipod were wiped out as a bottle of Beer Exploded in my bag leaving a two inch pool of beer at the bottom so up till now has been musicless. This was the first chance to repair it as in India you were lucky to have electricity letalone a shop capable of fixing Ipod. Luckily saving myself 150 quid Bill ipod was repairable for 15 dollars and they gave him new music far better than his old music collection (which to be fair wasn't hard, some of the highlights were Pink and Justin Bieber) and were now currently waiting for a night bus back to Bangkok as were Prepare or our assault on the Southern Islands and the Infamous Full Moon Party ( and i was complaining about hordes of English drinking excessively in Bangkok right, Definite hypocrite, HA!)

Peace! 




(photos will follow however the camera lead is behind the hotel reception and buried deep within my bag, cocooned even, and i can't be bothered to make the effort for you lot just yet :p)

Nepal - Pokhara & Kathmandu.

So yer it was left as we'd been to Lumbini, which is still near the indian boarder, and after our day of sunburn and a overload of temples on a cycle tour we had in mind a visit to Nepals Second city, Pokhara.

We boarded a local bus and got the last two tickets on the bus, what a result we thought... there was a reason there hadnt been taken up. The space in which our seats sat at the front of the bus wasnt really enough room for me alone (something i've come to relize travelling around nepal and india now is the seats are not designsed for people over 5'8, Bills in his element, he finely average size, its also just as well he doesnt read my blogs otherwise i fear i'd get an earful. Anyway ive digressed).

The monsoon season was none exsistent in India, in Nepal not so much, it rains for hours at a time and can lead to landslides, so theres two ways to pokhara over the mountains ( 7 hours ) or the long way (13 hours). After hearing four buses went over the edge last month we opted for the extra five hours of torture. It weird with me and bill seating arrangement its just a given that he gets the window these days which steams from me needing the aisle space for my lanky extremities but on india buses at the front that doesnt count as i cant stretch my legs as theyd be in the lap of the driver. Regardless we take our usual positions after an hour the monsoon hits and the shitty locals bus shows it true colours and the windows start to leak, causing Bill 13 hour of chinese water torture form the window frame. Also there was a cut out hole in the front of the bus so they could fill the window fluid, it meant we could see the tyre, which in turn meant water being flicked and gushed through the hole, it was in truth a superb bus ride.

So we arrive in Pokhara happy to be there after a monster journey, we decide the natural thing to do is some boating. Pokahra is situated in between rolling hills, bordering a valley type sceranio and the whole town is on the lakeside, so we rowed to a temple in the middle of the lake and then went to see a waterfall called Devi falls which we were informed was named as just because a swiss tourist, called David had fallen over the side into the abyss below and dragged his girlfriend. If thats true RIP but it sounds like utter bullshit. From there we TREKKED up to the summit of a hill to view the peace pagoda. Now i fort i was in decent shape i dont know whether i was kidding myself or it was heat ( i know which one i prefer) the 3 KM uphill walk absolutely destroyed and reaching the summit was an achievement in my eyes! However upon reaching the top it was well worth the effort as the views were absoltuely stunning. The eveing was finished in style with a 3 inch thick steak for the grand total of 3 pound and i needed the calories after the hike!

View from the peace pagoda

We left for Kathmandu the next day and over the next couple of days (thursday-sunday) we met a lot of other travellers which was nice as they'd been pretty thin before Kathmandu but i hear travellers are like buses! *cringe at the poor attempt at a joke* Whilst in Kathumandu we stayed in a budget hostel the first night in view to switch after however in the district we was staying in,Thamel (think the crowds and narrowness of china town but nepalse and tibetan food), it was the cheapest thing by a long way so we stayed the whole stretch at hotel Potalla. Nepal after India was so relaxing and such a contrast, one that was most welcome in fact, we were barely hassled and with fellow english faces and alcohol about it proved a massive contrast.

The sights in Kathumandu were pretty special with a hill top temple named swayambunath being patrolled but at least a gang of fifty monkey. Also we visited Bodha, one of the most buddiest places in the world, where the tibetan exile monks roamed round the stumpa ( look at the pictue the big thing and always work clockwise round the stupa remember!) in there marron and yellow robes, so that was pretty special to see but it was not as astounding as the next sight we visted, Pashupitnath. Its divied in two the temple for Nepalese Hindu followers and the surrounding grounds for everyone else. High on his sun tan and Jacks (Billys dad) origins he was outraged he was turned away from the Hindu temple, i didnt like to point out the obvious fact he's not religious let alone a Hindu. The most astounding and interesting fact of this holy place occurs ont he banks of the river that flows through the middle of the holy ground. Families take and burn the bodies on roaring fires overlook the river of pasted on loved ones and then sweep the ashes into the river as a form of releasing them in tune with the elements (fire,water...). This all occurs within the view of of tourist and locals and people selling horrendous wooden statues. Along way away from the private idea of a english send off but obviously different cultures. Overall Nepal was a delight and if i can i will try my hardest to visit again and perhaps even attempt a everest base camp trek!

The Stupa In Bodha

The beginning of the cremation process

India Onto Nepal!

So By Wednesday the 23rd we'd made our way to Agra, Home of the Taj Mahal. I an attempt to see it in all its glory i dragge dmyself out of bed at 5.30am to see it in the ambience of sunrise (as its completely marble its suppose to glow in the early mornign sun blah blah blah) only to find by the time i made it outside en route to the taj it was broad daylight. Oh well i basically had the place to myself for the first few hours at elast. My reputation and fame it seemed had spread even to agra as i was asked to pose if my indian and chinese fans for the minium of 15 photos, it nice to be loved. Anyway later on we hopped on a sleeper train to a tiny town called Katni in view to transfer on to another train to a national park - Bandhavgorh. Only the train was 4 hours late, apprently the usual in India no one bar me and bill were frustrated. In that four hours watching trains roll in and out of the station it began to worry me the state of the train we were going to be spending the next twleve hours on as some only had bars for windows and no doors and a sewage system that flushed on to the track, we saw the evidence. At 1 Am we stepped on our 9 oclock train to be greeted by a wall of air con and freshly made three decker beds with fresh sheets, best night sleep of the travels so far!!

On the Morning of thurs 24th we arrived into katni having missed our connecting train we had to either wait 6 hours for abnother or get a taxi whilst the station master went and secured a 'local price' for our taxi to the national park 90Km away me and bill could only over spectuialte and cringe at how much this was going to cost - 15 pounds, bargin!

When we arrived at the national park hotel we was staying at and it was off the road on a mud track and due to the monsoon rains the road half way down had been washed away to leave a five foot drop whihc the taxi was not  getting over. So we finished the last 2 Km to the hotel on the back of Motorbikes with our colossus back packs taking up most of the bike. The indian popualtion following on from they started tried to con us into upgrading into another room for 300 rupees, a deluxe into a junior suite only when we asked to look around it was exactly the same room. We booked our morning safari for 5AM so that meant an early night which was easier said than done given the magnitutde of frogs,lizards and insects in our room dropping on to our heads from the ceilings, that hotle room would not of been out of place on a bush tucker trial! But apprently thats all part of the monsoon charm we were informed.

We Go round on the safari only to find no tigers much to bills much to Bills distress, bless him. So a tad defeated we get in a taxi at 10pm and make our way to the station only to drive along the way across a tiger crossing the road right in front of our full beam headlights, we paid 50 quid for the safari for fuck sake ha!
So at the station we arrange a local train to the main station where we are gettting our sleeper train to the indian/nepal border. For 10 pence a ticket for an hour n half journey we should have known what to expect. But the conditions took us totally by surpirse, people were pilled up in the doors ways asleep upon one another whilst a couple of rats slowly worked there way around them proberly curious to see if there was food about.

10p's worth of travel room

At the other end upon waiting for our sleep train to the border me and Bill celebrate our final grasp on cheap travel and how to actually travel round india like a backpacker shoudl. we toasted oursleves with luke warm coke and spicy lemon inidan pretzles ( yes as nice as they sound! ) and sat and waited for our sleeper train, Only we toasted to early and ended up waiting 10 hours for a extremely delayed train to the indian border. Oh well i assured Bill at least we'll get those nice carriages with air con and we can sleep for hours given that the trian ride is 18 hours. Our carriage was the one with bars for windows and wood for beds, defiantely a premature toast!

By now, due to the 30 hour + travel we've just undetaken, me and bill have no idea what day it is we still think its saturday only to be told its actually monday, oops. From the station we have to get a 3 hour bus to the border of india to neapl. 3 hours is childs play after a 18 hour train ride! We cross over pay our fees and before you know it we gget a bus ride ( on the roof of the bus admist luggage, clueless as to why when the bus is only half full, firendly game of kill the toursit perhaps?) into nepal to Lumbini - the birthplace of Budda. To cultural for me some might say.... we hired bikes for the day as lumbini is just a big estate of monesteries taking up a totaal of about 8Km. So we cycle around under the mid day sun only to relize that i'm not in india anymore and sunblock is mandatory everywhere else in the world when the tempertaure is in the mid 30's. Too late i look like a lobster.



India - the start

The first leg of the trip is to India.

Before we even left the country Billy had acquired a Indian style ladies scarf which he informed he intended to use as a sarong on the beach when the time was right, the time will never be right for that image!

When we arrived into Delhi we boarded the train and headed into the center of town, sweating already, we obviously looked lost and confused and one man helped us out and took us to a nearby rickshaw or tuk-tuk and gave them instructions to the local tourist office. Down to pure inexperience we got a package deal with the tourist company gaining us a driver to two different cities and two sleeper train tickets, although it was the most convenient deal it certainly would have been cheaper and more backpacker like to sort ourselves out but you live and learn.

We had arranged to tour round the golden triangle which consists of Delhi, Jaipur and Agra, and then from there head to a national park further south. Keen to see all the sights on our only day in Delhi we packed them in which proved to be not the most relaxing way but we saw everything we wanted to - The Lotus temple, the Red Fort, India Gate and Humayuns Tomb.

On the second day we travelled to Jaipur, which hold sites such as a floating palace and the Amber fort, it was the most chaotic journey i have ever had, thew amount of traffic on the roads in India is unbelievable and hectic. On being stuck in a traffic jam our driver drove on the other side of the road on the hard shoulder for 15 minutes which wasn't the most comfortable experience of my life! ON the first night in Jaipur we got speaking to a man in the hostel reception who offered to take us to ride an elephant so he drove us to the outskirts of town and we rode round a elephant in a small village which was an amazing experience. I also started to realize how much i stood out as some of the children had never seen a white person before and parents were pointing their attention towards me!

We met a really friendly Mexican man and his french girlfriend on the sencond night and they came along on the third day to tour orund the amber fort and look round the markets in city. At the entrance of the fort was snake charmers and we were offered a turban and flute a chance to charm along side them, Aftert looking round the fort which was vast and perivous had housed the royals of India we made our way in to town and looking the markets with yet again more staring at me even the occasional 'sly' photo taken of me.

So far India has been a massive culture shock, you couldn't get further away from London the streets are strewn with litter and people are begging in every single direction. The locals as well seem to seize every opportunity they have with you to try and squeeze any kind of money they can. Although this is extremely annoying it is not surprising as the poverty and poorness of the country is staggering. Much to mine and bills surprise it isn't as cheap as first thought with that probably being tied in to squeezing money out of tourism, there tends to be a locals price and a tourist price for everything. But i'm enjoying the experience and the fact that is in the early 40's celcius but due to signifcant cloud colour i need not wear suncream, a pale mans dream!!

Elephant traffic

Me in my furture career as a snake charmer